GOTTFRIED LEIBNIZ: Living His Best Life!

written by Fred Van Lente - art by Ryan Dunlavey 

Script for Action Philosophers: Gottfried Leibniz

FULL PAGE SPLASH (LANDSCAPE): I’d turn this sideways if I were you, but if you can do it vertical, by all means be my guest. This depicts naïve, merry GOTTFRIED LEIBNIZ strolls through town, whistling a merry tune, utterly oblivious to every awful thing happening behind him. Some awful things that can occur:

• Warplanes shooting each other in the sky
• House on fire
• Mugging
• “WHITES ONLY” sign in store window
• Man slipping out of house where pregnant woman lives
• Prostitute
• Man kicking puppy
• Child taking aim at pigeons on power wire
• Election poster for “GREED PARTY”
• Pickpocket
• Billboard for “STUFF: You don’t have enough, loser! Buy more!”
• Bomb under park bench
• Restaurant advertising “3^rd World Orphan Burritos! Made from REAL orphans!”
• Etc., etc., etc.: Make this the most depraved “Where’s Waldo” thing you can conceive of.

TITLE: GOTTFRIED LEIBNIZ

CAPTION: (1646-1716), co-inventor (along with ISAAC NEWTON) of CALCULUS, believed that the proven the existence of God through a rather complicated cosmology hinging upon the idea that the universe is made up of an infinite number of points he called MONADS, each one of which had the entire universe reflected IN it, even as it was a distinct PART of the whole… 

CAPTION: …which meant, of course, that there MUST be a God, for only a PERFECT BEING could have conceived of such an ORDERLY universe. (Though since LEIBNIZ conceived it too, does that make HIM perfect?) 

CAPTION: And, because God IS perfect, He considered all the worlds he COULD have built, and ended up building THIS one. Therefore:

LEIBNIZ: “We live in the BEST of all POSSIBLE worlds!”

CAPTION: Now, to paraphrase four of OUR favorite philosophers, the MARX BROTHERS: Who are you going to BELIEVE? 

CAPTION: Leibniz … or your LYING EYES?

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